deja vu?

percakapan gue dengan big boss minggu lalu bikin gue keinget sama meeting hampir serupa di kantor gue sebelumnya.

percakapan minggu lalu

gue: terus terang pak, saya ga merasa terlalu cocok sama team yg sekarang, ga click aja kayanya.
bos: ya makanya saya mau kamu bikin team baru, nanti orang2 yg ada sekarang saya alihin lah ke client2, kamu kan tau Lin kita paling menghindari me-lay off karyawan, jd selama masih bisa dipake ya kita akan pertahankan
gue: (speechless, berpikir bahwa emang gue jg ga minta mereka dikick, dan menaruh respect sama si big boss dengan prinsipnya itu)

in a meeting a couple years back with my direct boss and big boss

big boss: do you think you still want to keep him?
me: hmm..yes, I want to keep him
big boss: (sigh) we leave it up to you, but do you really think he can still help you doing the job?
direct boss: what is he currently doing exactly?
me: well, he's been very helpful in doing all the reporting thingy. I know he has a bad working attitude sometimes, I'll talk to him about it, we'll see how he change..
big boss: the thing is ferlin...we don't have the luxury to wait for him to change, so why don't you just hire someone new that is more capable?
me: he is capable, pak, he might seems lazy sometimes, but he's capable on doing the tasks. and anyway, I think he deserves a chance before we let him go, I've never really talked to him about our dissapointment and expectation, so I'll talk to him and I'm sure he'll change.
big boss: (long sigh) well, it's up to you, but please do consider and let us know your decision, ok?
me: (with red face) I've made my mind pak, so if it's really up to me pak, then I have decided that I'll keep him
big boss: fine, just don't keep him only because you feel pity for him
me: no, that's not my reason, I just think he can change and deserve the chance

.....then one day, suddenly it's not really up to me anymore

in a lunch meeting with my operational manager

op: fer, gue kemaren meeting sama bapak. company mo reduce 3 orang, nah team elo kebagian jatah 1 orang...dari team gue jg 1 orang, trus 1 lagi nanti gue ngomong sama si X. gimana fer?
gue: .......yahh...mo gimana lagi, toh gue ga bisa nawar kan? ga punya pilihan lagi kan?
op: ya....ya gitu sih....hmm, yg mana yg mo loe lepas?
gue: ya loe tau lah yg mana, dari kmrn2 jg gue tau bapak udah ga seneng sama dia, ya udah lah, ngerti lah gue...I got his message clearly.

the following weeks some other people were also forced to be left.
it was an uncomfortable environment to work to....a painful decision to made to....a hard thing to explain and justify the things to the rest of my team members....*sigh*

oh, well..untung gue mengajukan terms & condition yg ga make sense tiap kali eks boss di kantor lama itu bilang posisi masih available buat gue.
"hmm...only when your offer is at AT LEAST 3 times of my current salary, then I'll start considering"
kekekekkee.....